I Can’t Wait to Be On the Road Again

December 2009

Presented in footnotes* by Pete Munro

Part II

Heck yes, we are back for another installment of footnotes*. I know some cool people who are using the term “footnotes” in their everyday speech and let me tell you, they may be the first but they will not be the last. Someday I too will be cool and use the term in my vocabulary in social situations, until then I will keep writing like the dork that I am, and aspire to be cool as you Reminds me of Silverchair… If you don’t know what I mean that’s fine, I’m a dork remember. .

Last week you learned a little bit about the band members in The Stables. I effing love those dudes, and in October I got a chance to hit the road with them on a short tour of Western Canada. I’d never been out that way before so it was a really exiting time for me. Being with three guys who are some seriously seasoned partiers, I knew I was in for an experience. It started for me in London Ontario where I met them at Call The Office. They were opening up for Cuff The Duke Cuff The Duke is friggin’ sweet, check them out here: http://www.myspace.com/cufftheduke

A few of my buddies Kyle, Joe, Will, that’s right, I mentioned your names in a footnotes* article. No need to thank me it’s all good. It’s all about family. who live in London had never seen The Stables play before so I picked them up before heading to the club. I always love seeing people’s reactions to the band when they’ve yet to experience the show I often recommend bringing some Fisherman’s Friends throat lozenges. With all the screaming and cheering it’s usually a good idea to have some relief after.. They rocked the stage and everyone went crazy as per usual, and Cuff brought them up to join them for a few songs of their set. No matter where they go, The Stables have friends. Whether it’s fans, bar owners, or fellow musicians, it’s hard to find a place in this country where they’re more than a short drive away from some sense of home Probably how they manage to stay on the road for months at a time…. Once the show was wrapped up, we loaded the van and were ready to go. Our mission was to make it from that spot in London Ontario, to The Silver Buckle in Medicine Hat Alberta by Monday night. I got in the driver’s seat The guys were loving that cause’ they could all get loaded at the bar before we left. and we hit the road I left my car with Joe, and he took care of it while I was away. Sydandish can drive. .

We didn’t get far before we had to make our first stop. Billy wanted Burger King so we grabbed some food from there before we got on the highway We needed to eat, there’s no question, but let me tell you, going to Burger King was a huge mistake. You’ll find out why in a bit…. I can’t remember what I got, I think it was the chicken sandwich or something, I’m not sure what Pelly and Clarkie got either. Billy got the Angry Whopper combo with poutine. He loved it. Said it was delicious. We got on the highway.

I’m not sure if you’ve ever driven across the country before, but in case you didn’t know, it’s big. It was late Saturday night and we had to make sure we didn’t waste too much time on the road otherwise we wouldn’t make it to Medicine Hat by Monday evening Look it up. Pull up Google Maps and get directions from London Ontario to Medicine Hat Alberta. Make sure you go above the great lakes, we can’t go through The States cause’ we had guitars in the van and we all know how important it is to keep Canadian musicians out of America. . I figured my first shift would be about eight or nine hours, then one of the other dudes would take over. That’s a lot of driving. These guys have done it all before, and were well prepared to deal with being cooped up for that long. We started with a game. Pelly had his iPod and would pick a random song and play the first couple seconds of the tune then pause it. It was me vs Clarkie at first. I had to meow and he had to woof to buzz in. I lost. Not because my meow speed was off, just that I was born in 1986 and Pelly was mostly rocking tunes from before I was born. I knew the songs, don’t get me wrong, I’m pretty well cultured for the most part regarding the “classics”, just that these guys remember dancing to these songs at their senior prom right around the same time I was learning how to ride a bike Okay guys I’m exaggerating. I probably already knew how to ride a bike when you were at your prom, you’re not THAT old ;-)! It was fun though, and lasted us for about as long as it took to get to highway 400 where we’d start heading north.

The van was running great. Pelly’s girl’s Dad had bought it for scrap parts and realized it was actually in really good shape. Seeing as how he wasn’t going to be using it for anything else, he just gave it to Pelly and told him they’d work out the financials later Shout-out to Terry. That man looks as much like Santa Claus as anyone could, is probably old enough to remember the Great Depression, and could drink any of you people reading this article under the table. I don’t care who you are, unless you’re reading this Terry, although I’m sure you could even drink yourself under the table. You’re so hardcore Terry. You’re so hardcore.. There was a decent amount of room in it. We fit all our bags and the gear in the back, which left a bench seat in the middle and the two seats up front. Eventually everyone was getting pretty tired and it was time to hit the sack Hotel? What do you mean hotel? There’s no time for a hotel, we have to keep driving! . Pelly was in the passenger seat next to me, which left Billy and Clarkie in the back. Darrin managed to claim the bench seat which left Blasko stretched out on the floor with some blankets in front of the bench crammed between it and the front seats Only 38 hours to go!. He didn’t complain. No one did. He just laid down. Ass up.

This is where the Angry Whopper comes back into our lives. Remember a couple seconds ago when I said no one complained? Yeah, that was until the Angry Whopper and poutine combo made its way through Billy’s digestive system and met up with Satan before releasing itself into the air in what can only be described as demonic pollution Blasko, I’m sorry, I know you probably don’t want the whole world to know how rank your farts were but seriously dude, it changed my life. If it’s any consolation, I will admit the fact that I got you back for it later on in the tour. Maybe not quite to that extent which I’m sure you’ll argue with, cause you said my farts smelled like they weren’t even human, but indeed you are not the only one guilty of unleashing hell into the van’s oxygen supply. . Like clockwork I swear, every five minutes Pelly and I would make the same wretched face and let out that kind of groan that’s a mixture of laughing and wanting to hurl as we rolled down the windows to clear the cabin. Usually Blasko was sleeping so he wouldn’t know what was happening, but every once in a while he giggled a bit just before the cloud reached the front of the van. What a guy.

Pelly’s iPod was definitely awesome to have on the trip. Along with many cups of coffee, an array of different comedians kept me alert on the road with their stand up routines. At one point all three of The Stables had passed out, and I was listening to Dave Chapelle, busting a gut, driving through a beautiful landscape of forests and lakes and ponds, watching the sun rise on the horizon, free as a bird. I felt like a million bucks Then Billy farted again..

Eventually it was time for me to retire to the back of the van and relinquish control. Clarkie took over for me somewhere in Northern Ontario, I can’t remember where exactly. I’d already driven for longer than I’d ever driven in my life, and we weren’t even close to being out of the province yet. Like I said, this country is big. Despite the fact that I had been up for probably close to 24 hours, I couldn’t sleep. We stopped somewhere I think pretty close to Thunder Bay if memory serves me right, and I picked up a digital video camera from Canadian Tire. I wanted to document as much of the trip as I could, which proved difficult at first because the battery was a pain in the ass, and all the footage that’s on there now is of some file type that can only be read by a special media player that I had to download Yes I know that’s what I get for buying a camera at Canadian Tire. I think I’m gonna make a short little video of the trip and post it up here one of these days, maybe at the end of the story ;-)

After about 75 Tim Horton’s That’s a unit of measurement now. we were out of Ontario and into Manitoba. I don’t remember the transition from Canadian Shield to prairies cause it was my turn to sleep ass-up on the floor and pollute the air, but when I woke up and looked outside, I’d never seen a sky so big in my life. I’d heard about how flat the land was, but the world is one of those things that you really have to see for yourself That’s a good quote, I’m gonna keep that…. The weather had been pretty crappy the whole ride, and it still was, but it was quite a sight to behold nonetheless. Land as far the eye could see until the earth curved enough to hide it. Awesome. Okay cool, now I wanna see some mountains or something… It’s like this for how long? Oh my… Okay, I guess I’ll start counting sheep then 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, 71….

By the time we passed through Winnipeg the sun had gone down again, and it was my turn to drive. We were making good time and everything was going really well. Then I started asking myself some pretty concerning questions like, “Why is the engine light on?” and “Why is it all of sudden so hard to steer?” “Why are the brakes not working? I had a hunch that something was wrong…”

Next week you’ll learn about our adventure in Portage La Prairie, and the really cool people we met who we’d be in a world of trouble had we not had the fortune of crossing paths with. Yes ladies and gentlemen, the car broke down and the clock was ticking. We had three provinces of the second largest country in the world still to traverse before reaching our destination. It’s a good thing Blasko is a genius. That’s all you get till’ next time ;-)

Stay Classy,

Pete

To read part 1 click here.